The X-Files/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Conspiracy #1 February, 2014

The X-Files/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Conspiracy #1 February, 2014

Here's a slightly more recent comic, but I found it in a dollar bin so it's fair game! Right off the bat I'll mention that, even though I'm the proper age demographic, I've never seen a single episode of The X-Files. Unless you count that episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns offers everyone peace and is then threatened to have his legs broken. My main draw here was the TMNT, who I was, and still am to an extent, a fan of.

The gist of this series is that the 3 conspiracy theorists called the Lone Gunmen travel through several of IDW's genre comics (Ghostbusters, Transformers, TMNT etc) to meet these characters to try and find a cure to a worldwide virus that is about to become imminent. Their next stop is to find the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because they believe their "alien blood" can help with the cure.

The story begins in Northampton Massachusetts during a full moon, where a pair of local bloggers are looking for vampire sightings for their website spookymass.com. (the site doesn't really exist unfortunately, I've looked) As a Massachusetts native, I always enjoy when my home state gets a shutout. Northampton MA was also of course where Mirage Studios and the TMNT were founded, and figures into many of their tales.  

Instead of finding vampires, they find a lone Leonardo sitting by himself in the woods, snap his picture, and plaster it on their site, dubbing him "The Manphibian". The Lone Gunmen use this to track the turtles to Northamptom, where they also discover there have been recent murders in the area where the bodies have been drained of blood. Using this logic, they assume that the turtles are naturally space vampires. Doing some hacking, they discover the victims had all frequented a specific pizza restaurant as well, so off they go to stake the joint. Pun. Intended.

As fate would have it, April and Casey Jones are heading to said pizza parlor to pick up some pies for the turtles, who in turn are on an adjacent rooftop making sure they're safe (and Mikey just wants to make sure they ordered enough anchovy) Soon enough, a chair smashes through the shop window and both the Turtles and Lone Gunmen rush to the scene, discovering April and Casey being attacked, as the pizza shop is run by vampires!  

As it turns out, most of the town are vampires as well, and a fight ensues! During a quick phone call with Mulder, one of the Lone Gunmen discover a way to distract the vampires is to throw seeds, or something similar on the ground. The vampires will then obsessively pick them up. Now, not being a student of vampire lore I don't know if this is true (nor their desire to remove their victim's shoes), but at any rate some chili flakes are tossed to the floor, and the villains grudgingly stop to pick them up mid battle.

The vampires try to make their escape with the turtles in pursuit, but are stopped by the Gunmen, who explain the need for a blood sample (and also have to convince them that they themselves aren't vampires). The turtles blow them off and leave. But Leonardo later comes to them and agrees to help if it possible means saving the world.

Even though my X-Files knowledge is nonexistent, I really enjoyed this issue and enjoyed seeing the heroes in a half shell vs. the OCD undead. Though, sadly I can neither confirm nor deny there is an actual pizza parlor run by vampires in western Massachusetts. Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack!