Batman: Gotham Adventures #33, February 2001

 Batman: Gotham Adventures #33, February 2001

Welcome back to "It Came From The Dollar Bin!" I took a few months off because, well, haven't we all this year?  Anyhoo, the holidays are upon us, and I tried to scour my longbox for something Christmas-esque. The best I could do was a kinda-sorta Batman take on "It's A Wonderful Life", it's not really a holiday story, but then again, neither is "It's A Wonderful Life".

The Batman: Gotham Adventures comic is based on The New Batman Adventures animated series (AKA Batman: The Animated Series season 4). Though both the comic and cartoon were geared toward kids, holy crap does Batman open the issue with a dark monologue!

As Batman wonders what life would have been like had his parents never died, along comes his own personal Clarence, in the form of the Phantom Stranger. I enjoy how humorless the Stranger is, especially while casually blowing Batman's secret identity left and right, which Bruce eventually calls him out on. They step back in time to the night of his parent's murder and it turns out the gunsel who committed the deed is busted right before the Wayne family start their fateful trek down Crime Alley. And since he now has no superstitious, cowardly lot to fight, we discover  "A world without Batman"!  

As it turns out, Bruce ends up living a happy, if sheltered, childhood with his overprotective (and obscenely rich) parents. Thomas Wayne has had enough of Gotham's crime ridden streets and the family moves to Europe. 

Fast forward to playboy Bruce as a grown man living in Paris, and who should break into his apartment one night to rob him? Catwoman! Kinda a coincidence I guess, but since Batman had nothing to do with the origin of Catwoman, I guess it could check out. The fact that a random, untrained rich dude is able to catch a master thief from escaping is a little less believable, and the fact that they also fall in love is just plain weird. Fast forward to their wedding (the one that Tom King denied us, and frankly one I would have liked to have seen happen in continuity), and birth of 2 boys, Thomas and Bruce Jr. Bruce decides to move Selina and the kids back to Gotham, against the protests of his  crotchety ol' dad, and the Wayne family seemingly live happily ever after.

Current Bruce, however wants to see how his partners have fared. Not so well it seems. Dick Grayson (Robin #1), never had Bruce Wayne to take him in after his parents die in a circus trapeze accident, and he becomes a criminal enforcer. Tim Drake (Robin #2 in this continuity) also turns to a life of crime, working in a gang under a Fagin-like Joker. Okay, this one's weird. How is the Joker...the Joker in this timeline? Since Batman is responsible for his clown-tastic transformation at Ace Chemicals, it doesn't make sense. He should just be a normal looking jerk. Also, Harvey Dent never physically became Two-Face here, even though he still suffers from a severe split personality, helping both sides of the law unbeknownst to himself, which is an interesting take. HE still probably would have still had the acid thrown in his face regardless though (or the B:TAS origin as well, which is a bit different than comics canon).  

Anyway, all these characters end up at odds with each other on a city street, and Commissioner Gordon (who is still a good cop here) gets himself blown up in the crossfire. Again, kids comic. The Bruce of this timeline witnesses the fight and realizes something must be done to help Gotham. Current Bruce was shown while his life was considerably more awesome, everyone he loves has a considerably crappier one because Batman never existed.  

The Stranger sends him back to the present time where he realizes there's still time that night to do some good. He then proceeds to punch Joker in the face while yelling "Happy New Year to you...IN JAIL!" That last part doesn't actually happen. Until next time, stay safe, Happy Holidays, and catch you by the spinner rack!    

But wait, there's more! Turns out this issue has a big ad for a Grinch video game for the Dreamcast and PS1! It's a holiday miracle!

The X-Files/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Conspiracy #1 February, 2014

The X-Files/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Conspiracy #1 February, 2014

Here's a slightly more recent comic, but I found it in a dollar bin so it's fair game! Right off the bat I'll mention that, even though I'm the proper age demographic, I've never seen a single episode of The X-Files. Unless you count that episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns offers everyone peace and is then threatened to have his legs broken. My main draw here was the TMNT, who I was, and still am to an extent, a fan of.

The gist of this series is that the 3 conspiracy theorists called the Lone Gunmen travel through several of IDW's genre comics (Ghostbusters, Transformers, TMNT etc) to meet these characters to try and find a cure to a worldwide virus that is about to become imminent. Their next stop is to find the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because they believe their "alien blood" can help with the cure.

The story begins in Northampton Massachusetts during a full moon, where a pair of local bloggers are looking for vampire sightings for their website spookymass.com. (the site doesn't really exist unfortunately, I've looked) As a Massachusetts native, I always enjoy when my home state gets a shutout. Northampton MA was also of course where Mirage Studios and the TMNT were founded, and figures into many of their tales.  

Instead of finding vampires, they find a lone Leonardo sitting by himself in the woods, snap his picture, and plaster it on their site, dubbing him "The Manphibian". The Lone Gunmen use this to track the turtles to Northamptom, where they also discover there have been recent murders in the area where the bodies have been drained of blood. Using this logic, they assume that the turtles are naturally space vampires. Doing some hacking, they discover the victims had all frequented a specific pizza restaurant as well, so off they go to stake the joint. Pun. Intended.

As fate would have it, April and Casey Jones are heading to said pizza parlor to pick up some pies for the turtles, who in turn are on an adjacent rooftop making sure they're safe (and Mikey just wants to make sure they ordered enough anchovy) Soon enough, a chair smashes through the shop window and both the Turtles and Lone Gunmen rush to the scene, discovering April and Casey being attacked, as the pizza shop is run by vampires!  

As it turns out, most of the town are vampires as well, and a fight ensues! During a quick phone call with Mulder, one of the Lone Gunmen discover a way to distract the vampires is to throw seeds, or something similar on the ground. The vampires will then obsessively pick them up. Now, not being a student of vampire lore I don't know if this is true (nor their desire to remove their victim's shoes), but at any rate some chili flakes are tossed to the floor, and the villains grudgingly stop to pick them up mid battle.

The vampires try to make their escape with the turtles in pursuit, but are stopped by the Gunmen, who explain the need for a blood sample (and also have to convince them that they themselves aren't vampires). The turtles blow them off and leave. But Leonardo later comes to them and agrees to help if it possible means saving the world.

Even though my X-Files knowledge is nonexistent, I really enjoyed this issue and enjoyed seeing the heroes in a half shell vs. the OCD undead. Though, sadly I can neither confirm nor deny there is an actual pizza parlor run by vampires in western Massachusetts. Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack! 

Detective Comics #569, December 1986

Detective Comics #569, December 1986

Here's another one from the mid-80's team of Mike W. Barr and Alan Davis in which lurks one of my favorite interpretations of The Joker. As the issue opens, Batman and Robin are on the trail of nine burglars wearing identical cat costumes as they're about to steal a fancy catscan machine. Now, logic tells me the gang should clearly be called "The Cat o' Nine Tails Gang" or something like that, but nowhere in the book does it mention that, nor does it mention whether Batman and Robin have faced them before.  Anywho, the heroes take most of them down, some with kinky results (see below), all but their leader who gets himself a hostage. Batman acts surprisingly douchey here, even though he knows the thug would be taken down. If I were the security guard hostage, my britches would have been soiled.

Catwoman appears from the shadows and takes down the gang leader, and they all retreat to the roof where Bats and Cats engage in some vigorous flirting while they make Robin watch.

Next, we arrive at the abandoned Jester Novelties building to meet the Joker. As I've mentioned, I love this particular version of him. You can practically hear Mark Hamill exclaiming his opening lines: "Bah! All is wormwood and bitter vetch! My genius has flown...my inspiration is gone!" Who talks like that but a campy comic book supevillain, and I'm all for it. Joker is looking for a perfect scheme to inspire him, and who should help but his trusty sidekick, introduced here for the first time! Nope, not Harley Quinn. Not Punchline. Not even Gaggy the dwarf. Here we have a chubby, middle-aged dude named Straight Line. His main shtick is dressing in various, usually movie inspired, costumes and making occasionally racist stereotypes. Needless to say, I don't think he ever returned after this story line.

Since the word is out that Batman and Robin have been fighting crime alongside Catwoman, the three of them heed the Batsignal and drop in on Commissioner Gordon in a very Adam West-ian scene. You see, the Joker has left a playing card with a baffling clue on the back, which the heroes eventually decipher that he plans to steal a rare joke book from the Gotham Public Library. Upon hearing this, Robin goes full Burt Ward, and promptly receives a smackdown from Batman.  While this was 1986, a a few years before Tim Burton's Batman film, the character was getting quite a grim n' gritty makeover elsewhere nowadays via Frank Miller. It probably seemed like a hip and clever wink at the time to bash the 1966 television series. Joel Schumacher of course would use a similar "gag" in 1995's Batman Forever as well. 

A fight ensues at the Library, which includes a fun bit which I'm sure has been utlized before, where thugs mistake a shadowy version of DaVinci's flying machine for Batman. Anyway, the Joker kidnaps Catwoman and B & R are ensnared in what are essentially giant Chinese finger traps.

The next scene at the Joker's hideout reveals another reason why I like him so much. He apparently has his very own talk show set. With his thugs in the audience, a still unconscious Catwoman sitting next to him, and Straight Line as Ed MacMahon, he welcomes his guest, Dr. Moon.  Joker is tired of Catwoman fighting for the side of virtue and wants to use one of the Doctor's doohickeys to zap her brain and turn her back into the princess of plunder again. Back at the library, Batman uses some meditation to escape the binding trap and then releases Robin, just as Selina is being zapped by the evil inducing catscan machine! All in all, a fun issue from the 80's. Love that Joker! Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack!

The Amazing Spider-Man #413, July 1996

The Amazing Spider-Man #413, July 1996

Here's an ish from the EXTREME mid-90's, which I believe was fallout from Spider-Man's Clone Saga where Peter Parker was calling himself Ben Reilly. The basic gist is Spidey is trapped by Mysterio (one of my favorite Spider-Man rogues, btw) and forced to fight a bunch of life-size toys. That's...pretty much it. What delighted me mostly was all the copyright dodging in the toys Spidey demolishes. Let's take a look together, shall we?

First off, we have him fighting "Godzilla". Though Marvel did have a line of Godzilla comics at one point, I doubt this was meant to be the crossover fans were clamoring for.

Spidey dodges 'Zilla's tail, but Pinky & The Brain, (It's the 90's, remember) and The Flash (!) aren't so lucky. Narf!

Here we have him straight up kicking the jaw off of a Ninja Turtle while simultaneously cold cocking an Alien while a TIE Fighter lays in the background.

Dunno what the hell kind of Beetlejuice Transformer this thing is, but Spidey thinks it's cool for some reason.

Who *hasn't* wanted to put their foot directly through Buzz Lightyear at some point? (Also a fairly current reference as Toy Story had only come out the previous year)

Splash page! Other than a Gargoyle and Viking Goofy, we have some actual Marvel properties and random animals for Spidey to demolish. Hold up, is that supposed to be a Street Shark? Jawsome!

Decapitating Wolverine while about to be ambushed by a Power Ranger? Check.

And finally, putting one's fist through Juggernaut's skull while Evil Gumby (quite possibly my favorite) and Hey-Look-It's-Not-Quite-Batman in the corner look on.

AND if this comic wasn't delightful enough, when I plucked it from dollar bin obscurity there was still a free sample packet of Kool-Aid stapled in the center. This comic is 24 years old. For the record, I have not made a tall, refreshing glass of said Kool-Aid. Oh yeah, indeed!

Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack!

The All-New Batman: The Brave And The Bold #3, March 2011

The All-New Batman: The Brave And The Bold #3, March 2011

As I was writing them, I came to the realization that 2 previous posts of mine inadvertently had an Alice in Wonderland theme. This one is advertant. Very advertant. This comic was a series based on the wonderful Batman: The Brave And The Bold animated series which ran from 2008 to 2011 in which Bats teams up with a fellow hero du jour to take down a common foe. It was a great series with a lot of silver age camp to it.

The gist of this issue is Mirror Master traps Batman and The Flash "through the looking glass" in a world designed by Mad Hatter based off Lewis Carroll's book of the same name. The two  Alice books have been public domain for years, and it slightly grinds my proverbial gears when adaptations tend to mix the two willy-nilly. Such as the Disney animated film using Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, characters from "Looking Glass", in their "Wonderland" film. This issue happily and surprisingly leaves my gears unground.

The issue's writer, Sholly Fisch, is either a fan or has clearly done his homework. Not only does he cram a ton of Looking-Glass only characters to encounter our heroes, all the heroes and villains seem to be well aware of the story itself and dunk on each other when mistakes are made.

Upon their arrival through the looking glass, Flash exclaims, they're not in Kansas anymore, to which Batman replies "wrong book".

Once again, when Flash quips that Mirror Master has vanished like a Cheshire Cat, the Red Queen admonishes him, "Cheshire Cat? Stuff and nonsense! Those filthy felines belong down a rabbit hole not through a looking glass!" Poor Flash can't catch a break!

My personal favorite bit is when the Red Queen shouts "Off with his head!", Batman reminds Hatter himself that that line is from Wonderland and not Looking Glass, to which Hatter simply shrugs "Not quite accurate, I know.But it's such a lovely sentiment I couldn't resist." This was a nice jab at all the times folks don't differentiate the Red Queen from the Queen of Hearts (*cough* Tim Burton *cough*)

This being based on Looking Glass, you naturally need a scary attack from the Jabberwock (who Alice only reads about in the original story and never actually makes a physical appearance, but whatev. It's a cool looking creature.) Batman refuses to slay the beast (His whole no killing thang, even extends to imaginary dragon things apparently), but he gets a great idea to control the monster using Tetch's mind controlling hats. Which results in one of the greatest panels ever committed to the comics page:

Yup, a top-hatted Batman astride a beanie clad Jabberwock. Thus saving the land, he also commands the monster far away, never to return. Batman and Flash's escape is a bit bizarre, using Batman's meditation techniques to teach Flash and himself to "live backwards" and find the original mirror that transported them there in the first place.  All in all, a fun issue, especially if you're an Alice fan! Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack!

Web Of Spider-Man #58, December 1989

Web Of Spider-Man #58, December 1989

Here's a fairly simple story which still goes to show why Spidey is one of my favorite non-Bat related superheroes. He's known for his snappy zingers, his great powers and responsibilities, and in this ish, compassion for his enemies.

There are quite a few plot lines running through this issue, no doubt from the other Amazing, Spectacular, Stupendous, Scrumptious etc. Spider-titles. In Cliffs Notes fashion, Thomas Firehart, aka The Puma has taken over the Daily Bugle from J. Jonah Jameson, Mary Jane has taken custody of her Cousin Kristy, and Robbie Robertson, presumed dead, is not dead.

The main event of this story, titled "Rematch" concerns down on his luck ex-wrestler 'Crazy' Max Markham. Max spends his days at a bar in Manhattan with his scrapbook, reliving his glory days in the ring, and that one time he almost beat Spider-Man. You see, Max also used to dress in a big, mechanical fuzzy Bear suit and call himself The Grizzly. He has enough of the local wino's endless mocking, and decides to make something of himself again by finally defeating Spider-Man.

Markham heads to the Tinkerer in his dusty old Fixit Shop storefront, to repair his old suit. It costs him almost everything his has (since Tinkerer was keeping tabs on his bank account, the cagey ol' bastard), but he knows it'll be worth it for his big rematch.

Peter Parker is on his way to catch a train to meet Robertson in Philadelphia, and just misses running into Grizzly. Coincidentally Peter took the photos of he and Spider-Man during their last tussle and he wants him to document their next fight as well. His Spidey sense goes off as his taxi speeds away, and was apparently unaware of the big guy in the bear suit previously standing a few yards away.

Parker's Spidey sense doesn't alert him, however, to the big fuzzy galoot hitching a ride on the top of their moving train, and he goes to investigate. Grizzly gets the drop on Peter and demands he arranges a rematch between him and Spidey since they're such good pals. Peter begins justifiably ridiculing the Grizzly, who commences to fly into one of his trademark rages and starts to demolish the train. For the safety of his friends and passengers on the train, Peter fakes a fall off of the train to change into his web slinging alter-ego.

Spidey shows up on the scene and Grizzly is thrilled to finally get his rematch. They trade blows on the top of the moving train, but when Spidey deduces all he really wants is not to be considered a joke anymore and regain his self-esteem, he realizes the only way to resolve this battle is to throw the match. He feigns defeat and allows Grizzly to toss him off the train into the water below. Satisfied in his "victory" Grizzly disappears into the night and Spidey chalks it up to "they both won". Later, Markham is seen at his local watering hole with a new lease on life. Although he was aware that Spidey threw the fight, he was happy he got his one last shot saying "I know I'm good. What anybody else thinks just don't matter." Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack!

Addendum: As I write this in early April of 2020, the world is in the middle of a global pandemic. Times are scary, and comics have also become more violent and dour for my tastes lately (when they ship again, that is). To see an optimistic hero like Spidey actually help a foe regain his self esteem and end his violent ways is refreshing. Back in 2001, a comic was released showing how Spider-Man would have reacted to and helped his city of New York during the 9/11 attacks. Currently, NYC is the hardest hit city in the US during this outbreak, and when this is over, it would be nice to think that heroes like Spider-Man would also have been trying to help those in his home city currently in need as well.

Transformers #14, March 1986

Transformers #14, March 1986

What we have here is yet another case of me snatching up a book judged solely by it's cover. The Autobots and Bruce Springsteen? 100 cents, here you go! I'm of the proper age where I played with the generation one toys and watched the original cartoon on weekday afternoons (Of the Transformers, not The Boss. I don't think Bruce got his own action figure line.), though I'm not exactly a die hard fan of either property. I couldn't pass up on a story titled "Rock and Roll-Out!"

The issue begins with some wonderfully ponderous pomp and circumstance, welcoming Jetfire into the ranks of the heroic Autobots in something called "The Rite of the Autobrand" where he receives his trademark Autobot symbol, Optimus Prime gives some grave speeches and Jetfire receives a golden oilcan which Prime tells him 'Within it mingle the donated fuels of your new Autobot brethren. Your acceptance of it symbolizes your becoming one with us!" Needless to say, this is getting really weird.

The majority of the story concerns the resurrection of a quintet of Autobots (Grapple, Hoist, Smokescreen, Skids and Tracks, for those playing at home) being shown the ropes by official earth tour guide, Bumblebee.

There's a lot of good bits in this plot, particularly how they disguise themselves among earthlings in their vehicle forms in day to day doings. First, they need to cover up that pesky Autobot symbol, which seems a bit odd considering the solemn rites that took place a few pages earlier. And since cars and trucks can't be seen driving around by themselves, despite what any mediocre Pixar film might tell you, each Autobot has a mannequin of a driver that springs out from the driver's side seat cushions. Bumblebee also reminds the new recruits that, since cars don't talk aloud on this planet, they have to use their inter-autobot radios. Hilarity ensues when they try to fill up at a gas station, loiter in the parking lot at a burger joint, and don't realize they have to pay a parking fee at a concert. How droll!

So where does Mr. Springsteen fit into all this folderol, you may ask? Well, it seems those dastardly Decepticons are creating a mighty power source called energon cubes and they know "a tremendous release of sonic energy" will be released soon that will help them siphon energy to create more of said cubes. As it turns out, the "sonic energy" will be provided by a huge concert given by none other than Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band! Wait, scratch that, I of course meant to say "Brick Springstern and the Tenth Avenue Band". Whether mighty Marvel didn't get permission, or wasn't given it, I have no clue, but at any rate we get to hear Bruce, er, Brick, that is, warble such chart toppers as "Dancing in the Night", "Born to Ride" and "Born in America". I wonder how many copies of this comic Bruce has been asked to sign at concerts.

Oh, and at a few points there are some humans interacting at an oil rig or something, but much like the Michael Bay films, who cares?

Needless to say, the Decepticons crash the concert, which apparently is attended by 80,000 people (!?), to harvest all that sweet, sweet, sonic energy, and the Autobots have to defy Optimus Prime's orders and get involved to save the day. Because, in the immortal actions of Brick Springstern, "The show must go on!" Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack! 

Also: What?...

Also: A Gobots ad in a Transformers comic? Blasphemy!