Action Comics #664, April 1991

Action Comics #664, April 1991

Like many young lads and lasses, I went through a dinosaur phase. Growing up, my entire bedroom was practically nothing but dinosaur books, figures and an inflatable quetzalcoatlus hanging from my ceiling (yes, I had to google it's name because I forgot what it was called). At the time I knew all their names *and* Latin meanings, I wore dinosaur Converse sneakers  and I still draw dinosaurs for fun on a regular basis to this day. When rifling through the dollar bin, I of course pause if a particular cover catches my eye, and there's nothing more eye-catching than Superman in the jaws of an irate Allosaurus. Shut up and take my four quarters!

This issue entitled "Many Year Ago..." is apparently phase five of a larger storyline called "Time And Time Again" running though the Superman titles. I don't know how many issues this story lasted, nor do I care. This one has the purty dinosaurs in it, and that's enough. We're starting in the middle.

We begin with our unconscious hero hurtling though the sky and crash landing on prehistoric earth. He's awakened by a dinosaur sniffing at him, and upon rousing, Superman immediately identifies it as a dromiceiomimus. Hold up, what? You're woken up in a foreign, ancient, mystery world by a creature never before seen by human eyes, and you without hesitation know it's the most obscure dinosaur ever? I've never even heard of a damn dromiceiomimus before this, and I wore dinosaur sneakers in elementary school. He also spots a brachiosaurus (ah, there's an easier one), and realizes he's likely in the late Jurassic or early Cretaceous period. Fun fact: This comic came out two years before the Jurassic Park film and subsequent dinosaur craze, so kudos for being ahead of the curve.

We then cut to a few quick snippets of what's going on in present day with Jimmy Olsen, Lois Lane, etc. but honestly, who cares? We have to get back to prehistoric earth as quickly as possible to witness Superman doing this:

Yup. A macho, bearded man of steel strutting around the Jurassic era singing the 1988 Was (Not Was) novelty tuner "Walk the Dinosaur". Name a more iconic moment in comics. I'll wait. It seems he's also named his cuddly dromiceiomimus pal "Drom". They're having a grand time apple picking when a human voice is heard screaming for help. Somehow, there's another human nearby being attacked by an allosaurus. Superman rescues him by throwing himself into the carnivore's chomping maw, effectively breaking most of his teeth. Also very likely  casting an eventual death sentence on the beast, as allosaurus don't want to be fed, they want to hunt. But I digress.

Turns out the person in distress is Chronos, a time travelling villain of the Atom, who is ALSO coincidentally stranded back in time. He's understandably happy to see Superman, who can help power some doohickey he made to send them back to present day. Though, in a good line, Supes thinks "I still don't trust you and far than I can throw you. That would be quite a distance, though, come to think of it". Chronos, being a dick, is only looking out for himself and when he hooks up Superman to his machine he tells him he's the only one jumping through time, in pain and fury, Superman uses his heat vision to destroy Chronos' machine. The resulting explosion hurls Superman further in time, but leaves Chronos there. Serves you right, dick.

When Superman comes to, he finds himself hoisted in the trunk of a woolly mammoth, much like Stampy the elephant did to Bart Simpson. Do elephants actually do this? I'm too lazy to look it up. Supes realizes he's been shot forward to the Pleistocene era, and needs to find another explosion to make him time jump again, because he's deduced that's how it works. In a deus ex machina that's so weird I read it twice and still don't understand it, Superman realized there's an advanced race of humanoids living on earth in this period who he's encountered before. They're about to have a mass exodus from the planet in their ships and Superman purposely gets caught in the blast, shooting him forward in time once again. He's next in a fairly normal looking forest, and hears the sounds of hoof beats and riders.

It turns out he's in Camelot! But seeing as how it's the last page of the issue, we won't be going there. It is a silly place (sorry).  Will he get eventually get back home? Of course he will. Superman, like life, ah, finds a way. Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack!

The Spirit (Kitchen Sink Press reprints) #37 , November 1987

It's the most spooktacular time of the year, boils and ghouls! I thought I'd respond in kind with something Halloween-y this month, and also keep my Crypt Keeper impression to a minimum. You're welcome. I recall picking this particular issue up in a dollar bin at an enormous antique shop while vacationing in Maine a year ago, and it has a story in it entitled, appropriately enough, "Halloween".

These issues reprint Will Eisner's Spirit newspaper insert strips, and the particular tale I'm focusing on was originally printed on October 31st, 1948. It seems every Halloween, Eisner reintroduces the character of "14th generation American witch" Hazel P. Macbeth to cause mischief in Central City. (For the record, there are other stories in this issue, featuring the characters Plaster of Paris and Quirte, but I'm focusing on the most appropriate, altogether ooky one.)

It's Halloween in Central City, and Ellen Dolan: police commissioner's daughter, girlfriend of The Spirit, and stick in the mud, is trying to organize this year's school Halloween pageant, and the kiddies are excited about the possible annual return of Hazel Macbeth. Turns out they need somebody to play the witch in their little skit, and Hazel turns up just in time to secure the coveted role. Being a real witch, she refuses the aid of wires to make her broom fly on stage, but Ellen stops her for: A. Not believing she's an actual witch and B. The school board will fire her if she gets hurt on school property. Bureaucracy, keepin' the witches down! One of the kids cleverly tries to convince Ellen that Hazel is the real deal by asking if she read last year's Spirit story. Fourth Wall: Demolished! Insulted, Hazel flies out of the school window on her broom in a huff.

She heads to the local watering hole to drown her wounded pride, and who should also be there but the Octopus, arch enemy of The Spirit! The Octopus is only ever shown as a pair of gloved hands emerging from the shadows, perhaps an inspiration for Dr. Claw, arch enemy of Inspector Gadget! Octopus is intrigued at the prospect of a real witch at his disposal and turns on the charm. I particularly enjoyed the exchange:
Hazel: Ya sure are han'some, in an ugly sort of way.
Octopus: Indeed? You're pretty disgusting yourself.
Hazel is smitten by his sweet talkin' and he persuades her to steal some valuable historical documents on witchcraft that will be on display at the school Halloween pageant.

Ellen has some of her Commissioner dad's police force guarding the book at the school, but Hazel turns into a black cat and snatches the artifact out from under their noses. Take that, Dolan! Stick it to the man! She turns the book over to Octopus, and still enamored by the crook, asks when the wedding date will be. Octopus, apparently having cold feet, or tentacles, or whatever, responds by lobbing a live hand grenade at her. Not gonna lie, that actually made me laugh out loud at the sheer Warner Bros. cartoon wackiness of it all. The jilted, soot stained Hazel departs dejected once again.

Meanwhile at police headquarters, Police Commissioner Dolan is with The Spirit (Wait, he's actually IN this story?!? For like 4 panels, yeah)  and cussing out his men for losing the book. Spirit thinks it may be something other than a person that swiped it, and that's...pretty much all he does in the story. Make Dolan look like a boob. One of the officers at the scene find a black cat with the book in it's mouth and huzzah, the case is solved! Hazel returns to her true form, and returns back to her witch sisters in the Central City swamp, to disappear till next Halloween, laughing at the city folk for not believing in witches.

But what of the Octopus? Cut to foggy London town, where he is trying to pawn off the relic to a crooked dealer. Turns out the book Hazel gave him was a fake, and he's laughed out of the shop. Revenge on her would be paramour, and all is right in her spooky world (though she still does carry a torch for him)!

This story mostly centers on other characters in The Spirit's world other than the crime fighter himself, but is just the right story for publication on Halloween. By no means scary, but wacky, funny and very much in the Spirit (ugh) of the holiday! Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack, and Happy Halloween!

Welcome! Detective Comics #573, April 1987

Welcome aboard, four-color fair-weather friends, to the inaugural post of 'It Came From The Dollar Bin'! Since I'm too lazy and dumb to create my own podcast or YouTube Channel, I've decided to make a trendy blog in which I ransack the local dollar bins of my local comic shops for diamonds (or at least cubic zirconia) in the rough, all for the price of a gold Sacagawea coin or less!  I thought I'd start things off with one of my favorite heroes, the Dark Knight Detective squaring off against a guy with a hat fetish. I bring you April 1987's Detective Comics #573, "The Mad Hatter Flips His Lids!"

Back in 1987, the ink of Frank Miller's Batman: Year One was still fresh in the pages of the core Batman title, and the grim and gritification of his Dark Knight Returns miniseries was only a year old at this point. However, over in Detective Comics, Mike W. Barr and Alan Davis were up to something completely different. Hence issues like this goofy one and done capper, uh, *caper* versus the mustachioed Mad Hatter.

Our tale begins at Gotham State Prison (apparently this hatter wasn't mad enough for Arkham Asylum..) Where Jervis Tetch, aka The Mad Hatter is given parole, a nice bland grey suit and a conspicuous lack of headwear. According to the warden, hats have"unfortunate...connotations" for him. Apparently without a hat on his head, this Tetch is just a meek, fumbling weirdo. Incidentally, in canon this version of Tech is said to be the "imposter" Mad Hatter, while the better-known, mind-controlling version is the "real" one. Apart from the character's name, there's nary a single Wonderland reference in the entire issue. This Hatter is all hats, all the time.

He's met at the gate by a police cruiser, which has apparently been hijacked by Batman and Robin, and the heroes try to convince him to finally reform his dastardly ways. Robin probably thought he was being clever and whimsical by wearing a police hat in the cruiser, but naturally the Hatter fixates on it, and tunes out their pleas. They drop him off by a newsstand in Gotham where he immediately buys a newspaper, folds it into a doofy looking tricorn, plops it on his head and immediately turns evil again. That was fast.

One impressive title splash page later, we're in the office of Commissioner Gordon. In a particularly Adam West-ian scene, Batman chastises Robin for dismissing a hatbox clue left there by telling him "A thorough inspection of all evidence...that's the first rule of crime detection", where there is a message clearly written inside the empty hatbox. Silly Robin.

Next, at the Liar's Club, which I assume is just the Gotham City equivalent of a Friar's Club, Hatter and his henchmen are robbing the joint. Why? Because later on, Batman deduces that another meaning of "liar" is someone who "talks through his hat". Yep. Get ready for more of those delights. Bats comes to the assumption that he's committing crimes symbolically related to hats! Also for some reason, in this story Hatter and his henchmen are dressed in a vaguely western fashion which I don't quite get. Though his (undersized, IMO) top hat still sports the famous 10/6 card in it's brim. I do enjoy his use of gimmicky headwear as weapons though (a fireman's hat that shoots fire, a gas mask that emits fumes). Having been tipped off by Gordon's men, Batman and Robin arrive and the hat puns fly, I counted no less than seven in this issue. For the record, Jason Todd (pre-crowbar, 900 number, resurrection and Red Hood) was Robin these days and he's pretty much a happy-go-lucky Dick Grayson clone here, having a fine old time with Alfred and Bruce, who actually calls him "Jay" through out.

Hatter's next robbery is at the Gotham Sports Arena during a hockey game (Because HAT TRICK HAHAHAHA), and there's a great, campy silver age set piece that takes place on an enormous pool table with Batman knocking over the henchmen with pool balls (keep in mind, this is the late 80's, not mid 60's. Glorious.)

Batman has had enough of this silliness, since Hatter keeps getting away, and decides to bait him. Cue Batman putting on his flippant, foppish socialite Bruce Wayne persona and calling the media to say he's "throwing his hat in the ring" (ugh) for city council. He goes so far as to tell the society pages "he's got the most SCRUMPTIOUS news!" which is a bit much, but you do you, Bruce. At his pre-election party, Bruce and Gordon act oddly catty to each other. Though Bruce *is* acting like kind of a dick. Sure enough, Hatter and his goons crash the party with remote control flying buzzsaw straw hats, natch. When Bruce and Jason change outfits and turn the tides, Hatter exits to the roof to escape in a giant flying top hat, which Bats brings down using said flying buzzsaw hats. Hatter draws a gun on Batman which goes off as Bats socks him one. Once he has Hatter subdued, he notices Jason has been hit by the errant bullet. TO BE CONTINUED!

Overall, this issue seemed straight out of a 1966 episode of Batman, which is not necessarily a bad thing, and so unlike what else was going on in many comics at the time. Even going back to using the red headed, mustached version of Hatter recalls the look of actor David Wayne (no relation to Bruce, hee-yuck!) who played him on the series. I have a few more of the 80's Barr/Davis issues and may visit them as well at some point (Theirs is pretty much my favorite versions of Joker). Until next time, catch you by the spinner rack!